


Kitchen (Mis)Adventures

by hopeless_hope



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Cooking, Cooking, Crack, Endgame Fix-It, Fluff, Humor, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Has A Heart, YouTube, inspired by Misha Collins' show with his kids, they make a youtube cooking channel, yeah i'm just as surprised as you are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 07:14:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20560325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeless_hope/pseuds/hopeless_hope
Summary: “So Tony, Morgan - tell us why we’re here,” Peter prompts.“Well,” Tony starts, “in her quest to have exactly as many talents as Barbie, Morgan has decided she wants to tackle cooking first. Actually, that’s a lie, she wanted to go straight to being a vet, but she’s not old enough to shadow one, so cooking it is.”“So we’re starting a cooking show?” Peter asks for the audience.Tony shrugs. “Why not? This is sure to be a disaster and I’ve gotta spice up retirement somehow.”orIn the aftermath of the war, Tony re-adjusts to being a full-time stay at home dad, this time with Peter thrown into the mix. Their first order of business? To start a cooking show run by Morgan.





	Kitchen (Mis)Adventures

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I have no clue what this is. But anyway, this one chapter was taken straight from Misha Collins' most recent episode of Cooking Fast and Fresh (with Maison and West) that was posted to his Instagram. It had such big Tony Stark and Morgan vibes that I just had to.
> 
> Also, I already got my blessing from Kat (losingmymindtonight) to format this similarly to her much-better fic Play, so don't yell at me for copying.

“Is it on?” Tony asks, peering into the camera. His face takes up nearly half the frame as stares into it, and Morgan’s face pops in and out of the picture as she jumps up and down enthusiastically.

“Yeah,” Peter’s voice answers from behind it.

“There’s no red light or anything,” Tony says with uncertainty, and Peter sighs.

“God, you’re old. It’s an iPhone, Tony, it doesn’t do that,” Peter says with exasperation.

Tony scowls. “Well, if you had a StarkPhone, then—”

Peter groans and the footage shakes as he throws his hands up. “We are not having this debate again. Just—let’s start over, yeah?”

“Fine, but—”

[cut]

“Okay, let’s try this again,” Peter says, focusing the camera on Tony and Morgan standing behind the counter. “Morgan, why don’t you introduce yourself?”

The girl waves happily. “Hi! I’m Morgan. But Daddy calls me Maguna, and Peter calls me Mo and squirt.” She stops and looks at Tony shyly before whispering, “Was that okay?”

“That was perfect,” Tony praises. “Very articulate of you.”

“Your turn!” Morgan urges.

“Oh,” Tony says, not expecting the attention to be turned to him. “Uh, I’m… Tony Stark, which I assume you know.” He stops after that and just stares pointedly at Peter.

“How is your six year old a better speaker than you?” Peter snorts.

“And the little shit holding the camera is Peter,” Tony adds with a glare.

“That’s Mommy’s word!” Morgan protests.

“She’s letting me borrow it,” Tony says promptly.

“Can I borrow it, too?” she asks excitedly.

“No!” Peter and Tony yell at the same time.

“Okay, great, we’re off track again,” Peter says. “And guess who’s fault it is  _ again _ ?”

“ _ Hey _ —”

[cut]

“So Tony, Morgan - tell us why we’re here,” Peter prompts.

“Well,” Tony starts, “in her quest to have exactly as many talents as Barbie, Morgan has decided she wants to tackle cooking first. Actually, that’s a lie, she wanted to go straight to being a vet, but she’s not old enough to shadow, so cooking it is.”

“So we’re starting a cooking show?” Peter asks for the audience.

Tony shrugs. “Why not? This is sure to be a disaster and I’ve gotta spice up retirement somehow.”

“Thanks for reminding us, once again, that you’re old,” Peter snarks, and Morgan giggles at her dad’s offended look.

Tony picks up a bag of shredded cheese and throws it at him as Peter cackles.

[cut]

“So, Chef Morgan,” Peter addresses the girl formally. “I understand you’re running the show. What’s first on your list of things to make?”

“Pizza!” she cheers enthusiastically.

Tony rolls his eyes fondly. “She could make literally any food she wants, and she goes with pizza.”

“Well,  _ I _ like pizza,” Peter defends her, giving her a wink from behind the camera, and she grins happily.

Tony looks into the camera and gives it a tired look. “See what I have to deal with? Don’t have have kids. I mean, yes have kids if you want them but keep in mind they’re a pain in the—”

[cut]

“Those are holes,” Tony points out as he and Morgan stretch the dough. “Look at them, we have to fix them.”

“Those are your holes,” Morgan tells him, looking completely unconcerned, and Peter snorts.

“Excuse me, Little Miss, those are  _ not _ my holes!” Tony argues. “Those—look, you just made another one!” The dough is a mess between them as they try stretching it out. “Okay, let’s just—let’s put it on the sheet and see what happens.”

They press the dough onto a cooking sheet, and Peter laughs as Morgan presses it so hard she pokes holes into it.

“See!” Tony exclaims, as much of a child as Morgan is. “Look, you just made holes in the dough.”

“No I didn’t,” Morgan argues confidently, and Peter hides a laugh. “Those are  _ your _ fault.”

Tony gives her an incredulous look. “Betrayal. This is—this is betrayal at the highest form. I’m—”

“Tony,” Peter cuts in dryly. “Breathe. Let it go, it’s fine. Holey pizzas are valid, too.”

He gets a disgruntled look in reply. “Whatever.”

[cut]

“How’s it going, Morgan?” Tony asks. “I have to say, my side of the pizza is looking pretty good. Yours is looking a bit holey, but…”

“Tony,” Peter says in exasperation.

Morgan just smiles, completely unconcerned with her father’s opinions.

She gets that from her mom.

[cut]

“Why does your side have bubbles in it?” Morgan asks curiously.

Tony looks down at the dough, eyebrows furrowed. “It does not have bubbles in it.” Peter zooms the camera in on the bubbles for comedic effect.

“Uh huh!” Morgan argues, reaching out and poking the bubbles. Tony swats her hand away gently.

“No, those are my bubbles! I like the bubbles. Bubbles are tasty. Everybody knows that. Wait, why are you folding the dough over?”

“I’m fixing the holes,” Morgan says, proceeding to completely mangle the dough.

Tony sighs.

[cut]

“So now we’re just entirely re-doing the dough,” Tony narrates, pressing it into the sheet again.

“Your side isn’t touching the edge!” Morgan points out.

“No! Don’t touch my side!” Tony protests loudly, laughing and nudging her gently. “Oh, oh, look, Morgan. Now your side  _ really _ has a hole.”

“Daddy, no it doesn—it’s a heart-shaped hole!” Morgan exclaims excitedly.

“It is!” Tony agrees, and Peter zooms in on the whole which is decidedly not heart-shaped. “But we don’t want ANY-shaped holes in our crust,” he tells her, pinching it shut.

“You covered up the heart!” Morgan accuses, giving Tony a wounded look.

“Yeah,” Tony says matter-of-factly. “I guess that would make me a—a bad dad.”

“What’s new?” Peter quips. Tony narrows his eyes at him. “I’m  _ joking _ ,” he hastily fixes. “You’re the best dad.”

Tony looks at him for a second, face softening with fondness. For all his bravado, Tony’s biggest fear is being a bad father, for becoming the father  _ he’d _ had.

Tony, ever able to handle emotional moments with grace, responds with, “You’re a brat.”

[cut]

“Sauce time!” Tony announces, popping the lid open and holding the jar.

“I wanna do it,” Morgan demands, and Tony passes her a spoon.

“Whatever the Queen wants,” he says. “Here, I’ll hold the jar and you can scrape the sauce out with the spoon. Slowly, though, we don’t want to splash it everywhere.”

Morgan takes the promptly empties most of the sauce onto the dough with a giant splat. The camera shakes as Peter laughs silently.

“Morgan, Morgan!” Tony says exasperation, before softening in a “this might as well happen” expression. “You’re doing great. This is great.”

Morgan squeals as she abandons the spoon in favor of spreading the tomato sauce with her hands, and Peter pans in on Tony’s face as he cringes. “Daddy, we need more sauce.” she informs him.

“We don’t have anymore sauce. Can I interest you in cheese?” he asks, and her face lights up.

“CHEESE. Can we use string cheese?” Morgan asks, rinsing her hands and running to the fridge.

“Well, we have shredded cheese here,” Tony tells her, picking up the giant bag of shredded cheese. “Your mom grated it for us this morning which was nice of her.”

Morgan, however, shakes her head and grabs the string cheese out of the fridge. “No!” she says insistently. “This cheese is better. And I’m the chef.”

“But - “

“I mean, she  _ is  _ the chef,” Peter points out, and Tony tosses his hands up.

“Fine. String cheese it is,” Tony mutters as Morgan runs up to Peter.

The camera shakes as they high five.

[cut]

“Morgan, what else do you want on your pizza?” Tony asks as they finish peeling strips of cheese and placing them around the pizza.

“Strawberries,” she says without hesitation.

Tony does a double take. “Stra-strawberries? Like the fruit?”

“Of course!” Morgan says, running back to the fridge, and Peter laughs and pans in on Tony’s face yet again.

“Oh, yeah,” Tony says. “Silly me. Strawberries are a completely normal thing to put on a pizza. It adds a... refreshing touch.”

“Exactly!” she agrees, taking small handfuls of them. “Daddy, cut these into slices to be like pepperonis.”

“Your wish is my command,” Tony says obediently, and Peter snickers as he pulls out the cutting board to slice the fruit. “So these are the pepperoni replacement? Is this a vegetarian pizza?”

“Yeah! We need eggs.”

Tony makes a wounded sound as his hands freeze cutting for a second. “Oh? You know, you’re right.” He gives the camera a frightened look. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Yeah, Tony,” Peter mocks. “Why didn’t you think of that?”

Tony waits until Morgan’s turned around before flipping Peter off.

[cut]

“Okay, so now we’re putting eggs on the pizza, right?” Tony asks, trying to keep a straight face.

“Mmhmm!” Morgan hums. “Put eggs here, here, here, here, and here,” she commands, pointing all over the pizza between slices of strawberry.

“Sounds good,” Tony says. “A true culinary genius. A natural, even. Would you like to try cracking an egg?”

“Oh no,” Peter mutters quietly, and Tony hands Morgan an egg.

“So just gently crack it against the edge of the counter…” Tony instructs, demonstrating how to do it. Morgan, however, is not watching at all. She holds it between two hands over the pizza and digs into the shell with her thumbs until it cracks messily, egg whites running down her fingers and dripping onto the pizza. “Or… yeah, sure, that way’s better,” Tony says, looking thoroughly disgusted.

“Daddy, do you think Mommy will want a slice?” Morgan asks as they crack eggs all over their gruesome-looking pizza.

“Absolutely, she will,” Tony says with certainty. “She wouldn’t want to miss out on the best. Pizza.  _ Ever. _ ”

Peter highly doubts that.

[cut]

“Alrighty, so we have the oven set to three hundred and fifty. What do we think, Morgan? Is that a good number?” Tony asks.

Morgan taps her chin in thought and studies the knobs on the oven before reaching out and turning it slightly. “There!” she says decidedly. “Now it’s perfect, and it’ll cook faster.”

Tony bends down to read it. “Four hundred and thirteen. Ah, yes, that’s  _ much  _ better. Are you satisfied with that?”

“Thirteen is a lucky number!” Morgan informs him.

Tony gives the camera a doubtful look. “Oh? Who told you that?”

“I just know it,” Morgan says confidently as she sits on the floor in front of the oven.

“Okay,” Tony says to the camera. “So we’ve switched the oven from three hundred and - what was it?”

“Um…. I forgot,” Morgan says, smiling shyly.

“From three hundred ‘I forget’ to four hundred and thirteen,” Tony continues. “And now we just have to wait for it to bake.” He looks down at Morgan. “Are you just going to sit there and watch it bake? It’s going to take some time to cook, baby,” Tony tells her.

“I want to watch it!” she says resolutely, and Tony holds his hands up in surrender.

[cut]

Tony and Peter stand on the far side of the kitchen while Morgan watches the pizza closely.

“If I have to die, you have to die with me,” Tony hisses to Peter.

“I am  _ not  _ ingesting that… that thing,” Peter tells him, sounding absolutely horrified.

Tony crosses his arms and raises his eyebrows at him. “Mr. Parker, are you suggesting that my daughter is a bad cook?”

Peter offers him a shit-eating grin. “I’m suggesting that she inherited your cooking skills.” Tony is notorious for his sub-par cooking. He narrows his eyes at the kid.

“You little - “

[cut]

“DADDY!” Morgan yells, and Tony jumps in alarm.

“What’s wrong?!” he asks, running over to her, sounding panicked.

“It’s done it’s done it’s done! The timer went off!” she squeals, showing him the screen that’s down to zero. He lets out a breath, pressing a hand to his chest.

“Jesus, you scared me. Thought something caught fire. Which wouldn’t be a surprise,” he mutters. He grabs an oven mitt and turns to Morgan. “Are you ready to see your masterpiece?”

“Yeah, yeah!” she says excitedly, and Tony opens the oven and pulls the sheet out.

“ _ Wow _ ,” Tony says, because, really, that’s all there  _ is  _ to say. Peter nearly cackles as he puts the camera close to the pizza, getting a good look at it. There’s more sauce than there is cheese, and the eggs are baked unevenly across the pizza, interrupted only by random slices of strawberry.

“It looks delicious!” Morgan exclaims before turning to Peter. “Petey, are you ready to try it? It’s gonna be the best pizza ever!”

Peter gulps nervously behind the camera. “Oh yeah!” he tells her, mustering up excitement. “Let’s wait for it to cool a little, yeah?”

She pouts, looking disappointed. “Fine, but only this many minutes,” she tells him, holding up five fingers.

“Sounds good,” Peter tells her.

[cut]

“Time to slice it up!” Tony announces as Morgan jumps excitedly around him. “Maguna, why don’t you get plates for all of us?’

Morgan nods and climbs up on the counter next to him to grab three plates out of the cabinet and set it next to him. “Okay, all ready! Daddy, make sure you give Petey an extra big slice!”

Tony looks up at the camera and grins evilly. “Of course, baby. I’ll make sure he gets the biggest piece. I know how much he just  _ loves  _ pizza.”

Peter tosses him a dirty look over the camera. “How considerate of you, Mr. Stark,” he says dryly.

“Oh, we’re back to calling me Mr. Stark, now?” Tony asks.

“When you’re targeting me, yeah,” Peter retorts, and Tony snorts.

“Targeting you? I’m being generous. Look at this… this really delicious egg strawberry pizza,” Tony says, holding up a slice for the camera’s inspection.

“Amazing,” Peter comments.

“Truly,” Tony agrees, cutting out two more slices.

“Daddy, make sure you have a bit of everything on each piece!” Morgan says insistently.

“Oh - oh yeah, I wouldn’t want to leave anything out. You know, no one ever talks about - about hot strawberry. Very underappreciated. And egg on pizza? Morgan, you’re a genius,” Tony praises, passing a plate to Peter and Morgan. “Peter, how does that look?”

Peter flips the camera to face him and widens his eyes in fear.

[cut]

The camera is propped up on the counter against a jar in order to capture all of their reactions as they take their first bite.

“Bon appetit,” Tony says as they all dig in. Morgan takes a huge, enthusiastic bite while Tony and Peter take much smaller, more hesitant bites. For a moment, no one speaks. Tony stares into space for a second, concentrating very hard on not spitting it out. Eventually, he looks at Morgan and chokes out, “Verdict?”

She puts the slice on her plate and holds up two thumbs up.

“Wow!” Tony exclaims. “Not one, but  _ two  _ thumbs up! Sounds like you made a successful pizza,” Tony concludes.

Morgan smiles widely at the praise before turning to Peter. “Petey, do you like it?”

Peter chokes down the bite he’s been working on and grins. “That’s… Wow, Mo.” He shakes his head. “That strawberry really adds something to it. A perfect finishing touch. What do you think, Tony?” he asks pointedly.

Tony takes a deep breath and forces himself to take another huge bite, and Morgan’s proud look is completely worth it. “It’s… I can honestly say that I’ve never had anything like it,” Tony says sincerely, and Peter snickers. Tony chews determinedly and runs his tongue over his teeth.

“It’s really gooey!” Morgan says happily.

“Yup! It’s - that’s the trick. You never cook the bread all the way,” Tony says. “Family secret. It’s delicious. But perhaps we might want to see about tweaking the recipe and cooking it longer to be even  _ more  _ delicious!”

“Well,  _ I  _ think the strawberry, at least, is cooked the perfect amount,” Peter says, picking up the camera again.

[cut]

Morgan wolfs down her pizza and grins sloppily, sauce all over her face. It’s gross, but she’s so cute and proud of herself that Tony and Peter can’t help but be fond.

“Morgan seems to be enjoying her pizza,” Peter comments.

“And she should be. It’s a masterpiece,” Tony says.

[cut]

Tony is sitting down, trying to force himself through the last of his slice, and Peter pans the camera in to his face.

“Any final thoughts, Tony?” Peter asks.

Tony swallows forcefully before answering. “Um… Yeah, it’s important to, uh, to cook everything just the right amount. Otherwise you end up with extremely chewy dough and oddly-textured fruit.” He laughs to himself and looks at the camera, marveling out how all of his life has led up to this bizarre moment. “But we hope you enjoyed this special family recipe, and that you can also enjoy it with  _ your  _ family.”

“It’ll be a nation-wide success,” Peter says with certainty. “Anyway, that’s all for today folks! Make sure you hit the subscribe button for more cooking adventures with Morgan and Tony!”

Tony holds up a peace sign. “Yeah, if we haven’t died from this pizza.”

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, I know this is ridiculous. I might do a couple more chapters with different foods and guest stars including Pepper, May, Happy, and Rhodey. We'll see. But it was a lot of fun to write and I hope you liked reading it! I know I have my other WIP, but I've been having a hard time and really wanted to write something happy.
> 
> Please drop a comment and/or kudos to tell me what you think! As always, you can find me on tumblr @dazzlingtony.


End file.
